This sternly-worded sprinkler head is a Cool Golf Thing

Sometimes it doesn't matter how far you are from the green.
This yardage marker tells you how far you are from the green by words, not numbers.

"How far am I from the hole?" is one of the most commonly asked questions in golf. Ours being a game of numbers, we generally appreciate an answer in that particular format.

Sometimes, though, we deserve an answer with a little more honesty. Any golfer who has foozled a tee shot, only to hold up the group behind him waiting for the green to clear from the distance of his all-time longest 3 wood shot, plus 20 yards, has deserved the reality check that a well-worded sprinkler head can provide. "How far am I from the hole?" asked a recent reviewer of the Trophy Club of Atlanta, only to be told "JUST HIT IT," rather than some number well above 200 yards.

Over my golf life, I've seen occasional cheeky messages printed on golf course sprinkler heads. The no-longer-existent Tower Ridge Country Club in my hometown of Avon, Conn., had some. I recall one of them, well over 250 yards from the green of a par five, said "DREAM ON." (Does your home course have any similarly-worded sprinkler heads? Please share them in the comments below.) Alternatively, perhaps we can brainstorm some other (non-profane, please) sprinkler head messages that courses should add.

March 22, 2019
300 words or less, every Friday.

Tim Gavrich is a Senior Writer for GolfPass. Follow him on Twitter @TimGavrich and on Instagram @TimGavrich.
19 Comments
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Playing as a single. Got matched up with some folks I obviously didn't know. "What's the sprinkler say?" is what I asked. "Dreamer" is what I answered.

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In Fla, I believe at a Disney course, 30 yards in the scrub trees left, brass marker said "what are you doing here"

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I was caddying for a young player on the Nike Tour back in 1988 at the Moors course near Pensacola, FL. The 11th hole is a par five which was unreachable from my player’s tee shot. He was apparently wanting to lay up to his favorite wedge distance. He spotted a sprinkler nearby and asked me, “What does it say.” I went over to look at it, and it said, “Just Hit It.” I told him, “just Hit It.“ You can’t imagine the look I got from him! I recalled this story later to Frank Thomas who had written a book, “Just Hit It.”

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Courses should put on “move up a set of tees” here and there as a reminder to play your correct yardage.

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How about "Not a chance"

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At Green Hills Golf Course in Piniconning , Michigan, they used to have a sprinkler head at about 280 yards from the green on a long par 5 hole that said “You can’t get there from here”.

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I for one would like to see more golf courses go to the yardage on sprinkler heads to front, center, and back of green I think that would really speed the game up, sure many courses have GPS systems and many don't I am a firm believer of that of having a four hour round

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At Badin Inn Golf Club (Badin, NC), which unfortunately closed in 2018, the longest par-5 had a sprinkler head about 275 yds away (uphill to an elevated green) that read "All you got."

Steve S.

Commented on

Shark River GC in Neptune, NJ
Has a sprinkler head marked:
NO WAY on thrir 18th hole.
Lonf, difficult par 5. Sprinkler is approximately 275 from center of green. I'm a decent golfer and the shortest club I've had in for my 3rd shot is full 9...

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Sorry I don’t remember the course, somewhere in the mid-west, but the sprinkler head said “It’s farther than you think!” Laughed for the rest of the hole.

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This sternly-worded sprinkler head is a Cool Golf Thing